Close Collaboration
by gagaoverGA
Summary: I'll be Derek for you, if you'll be Addison for me. Deal? Alex and Meredith
1. Chapter 1

Close Collaboration

_**First off, I'm one of the hugest MerDer fans, so no offense to my fellow "shipmates". I was also one of those wishing for Addisex to happen. However, I am being realistic here, what with the season finale fast approaching and the more official talk about the spin-off, so I'm kinda expecting trouble in paradise for these two ships. Also, ever since that really sweet moment between Mer and Alex in TFTM 2x09, I was curious about what could happen between these two characters. So, to my fellow merder shipmates, please don't murder me.**_

_**Disclaimer: GA isn't mine, which is sad, really, coz my husband is contemplating annulment because of my emotional affair with McDreamy!**_

She held the shot glass desperately against her mouth, tasting the bitter poison on her lips. She then tilted her head back abruptly as she savored the warm liquid burning her throat, relishing those few seconds that allowed her the benefit of detachment, before once again feeling the irritating squeeze in her heart. Setting the glass down on the bar alongside the ones she already used, she put her head in her hands, sending up a fervent prayer that numbness would soon come. _I am not gonna cry; I'm not gonna cry!_

He scanned the room, hoping he wouldn't see anyone who'd try to chat him up. He didn't want to engage in conversation --- he just needed to drown out the thoughts running amok in his head and to alleviate the damn tightness he felt in his chest. He saw her sitting at the bar with her hands in her head, letting out a sigh of frustration because he knew that his yearning for solitary drinking was not going to be fulfilled. He was about to leave when he remembered that Yang was still in surgery and the Bobsey Twins were both on call, so he knew that they weren't expected to show up at the bar tonight.

He walked to the bar and ordered a beer, about to take a seat a few stools away from her when he noticed the line of shot glasses in front of her. _She hasn't had that many drinks in quite a while, not since before the boys' camping trip anyway. _Against his better judgment, he picked up his bottle and slid his coaster over to the far left end of the bar, which seemed to be her permanent seat at The Emerald City Bar. He counted six glasses amid the scattering of pulverized nutshells. _This must be about McDreamy!_

"Go away, Evil Spawn," she said, recognizing the scent of his cologne.

"What's the matter, Grey? Another one of McDreamy's wives showed up?" He couldn't help retaliate, just so he could release some of his frustrations and anger.

"Why aren't you with Satan? You know, you do make the perfect couple --- Ruler of All that is Evil and Evil Spawn," she quipped, finally removing her head from her hands so she could ask for another shot of tequila.

No response yet from Alex as she took shot number seven. Realizing that too much time has passed for him to make a stinging comeback, she turned to look at him. He was watching the contents of his bottle, his third one she realized, slosh around as he swirled it in his hands, taking big swigs every 10 seconds. He had this defeated look about him, as if he lost a wrestling match, still angry and riled up about the loss. She could feel the tension rising off his body, eager and desperate for a fight, as if he were waiting for an opportunity to strike.

"Alex …"

"Shut up, Grey."

Two more shot glasses and three more beer bottles joined the ranks of the "salvation army" on the bar in front of them.

"He wants to be chief, and I'm a distraction to him," she said in a quiet voice, recalling Derek's words from their fight earlier this evening. "Apparently, he was too worried about me after the whole dead-for-a-few-hours thingy, and he didn't make a good impression during his interview. Looks like Mark is in the lead, and he somehow blames me for messing up his chance at getting chief."

A few more minutes of silence, then, "She's leaving for L.A. in the morning. After the other night, I thought we were finally moving forward. She says that night was a mistake." He laughed bitterly before taking another drink. "A mistake … that's what it was to her, a mistake."

She didn't have anything to say to that, so she kept quiet and waited for him to say more. She motioned for another round for both of them, but Joe didn't think it was a good idea, so he ordered a cab for them instead, which really sucks because she wasn't drunk enough to be numb yet. Seeing as no amount of pleading and threatening would change Joe's mind, she paid her tab and stood, surprised to see Alex doing the same. She remained impassive until he slid into the backseat next to her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Evil Spawn? I may be drunk, but I'm not having sex with you."

"Don't flatter yourself, Grey. I live there now, remember?"


	2. Chapter 2

The twenty minute drive to the house was made in glorious silence. _Thank God she's not rambling and ranting as she usually does when she's drunk. Maybe she's already plotting out McDreamy's murder. Maybe we can collaborate and get them both. We could even bury them together … _Alex, still amused with the thought of a double plot for the Shepherds (well, former She-Shepherd), was surprised to feel Meredith's head fall onto his shoulder. _Great, just great. Now I'll have to carry her up. She better not puke!_

After paying the cab fare, he slid out of the backseat and prepared himself for the involuntary task of babysitting his drunken co-worker. _I totally forgot that this was Bambi's role. Should have considered that before I agreed to take his place in Meredith's youth hostel._ He was a little surprised by Meredith's weight, expecting her to be a lot heavier since she was drunk after all. After battling with the locks, he hoisted his burden a little higher onto his chest, kicking the door shut and headed for the stairs. She murmured something in her sleep and settled more comfortably in the crook of his neck, making it harder for him to climb the stairs, what with her warm breath and soft lips brushing against his skin.

She mumbled something unintelligible, but she felt as if she was floating, and the rocking motion was somewhat comforting, so she snuggled more closely to the warm body. As the feeling of floating ceased, except for the sensation of arms moving at the back of her knees, she opened her left eye to see Alex trying unsuccessfully to open the door to her bedroom. She unclasped her hands from around his neck to help him with the doorknob, which earned a sarcastic _thanks_ from him. Still hesitant to leave the surprising comfort of his arms, she wrapped her arms around him once more, hoping for a few more minutes of physical contact with another person, anything to escape the reality that she was once again alone.

Breathing a sigh of relief that his quarry was conscious enough to help with the knob, he prepared himself to lower her to the ground, only to feel exasperated once more when he felt her arms go around his neck again. _Seriously? I'm gonna kill her tomorrow morning for killing my buzz._

"Okay, ride's over, Grey. I've done my babysitting bit, and I intend to be gone by the time you start puking."

She let out another sigh, this time in disappointment, as he felt him gesturing impatiently that she should get off. _Just a few more minutes, please. I need you to hold me for a few more minutes. I'll let go, I promise, just give me a few more minutes to be held by you._ As she slowly slipped from her alcoholic daze, she realized that the feeling of comfort and safety didn't match the male scent she remembered so well. Different scent, different body, but she liked the physical connection all the same. She craved the intimacy of a lover's affection and adoration. At this point, it didn't matter whose body it was, as long as she could lose herself in the sensation of satisfaction. The person providing that satisfaction was no longer of consequence; it was even better, in fact, cheap, meaningless mutual release.

Sliding down his body, at the exact moment her toes touched the floor, she sought his lips, bringing her body closer to his. Never breaking contact, she ran her hands through his hair, trying her hardest to shove the inconsistencies she's noted out of her head. _Derek's hair is longer, curlier. His skin tastes and smells different. His kisses are sweeter and more passionate. I don't care because I need this. I want this._

He saw her open her eyes in surprise as she felt his hands gripping her shoulders to push her away from him, and she whimpered at the break of contact. Pleading blue eyes met his, conveying her desire and desperation. They were then replaced by a look of total dejection and sadness, allowing him to see her pain and loneliness. He thought back to their conversation about her mother's condition, and the one they had during thanksgiving as they both sat on that hospital floor. He knew. He witnessed for himself all that she's been through, and he felt inclined to provide the comfort and assurance she sought.

After a few seconds debating with himself, he bent his head towards her, touching his lips to hers.


	3. Chapter 3

It started out really slow, tentative even, more of brushing his lips against hers as if he were still undecided. Sighing with impatience, she gripped his head and pulled him closer, licking his lips and teeth to signify what she wanted of him.

He was, admittedly, a little taken aback by the feel of her tongue in his mouth, unprepared for her boldness and initiative. _Screw this nobility crap. Who am I to turn down sex? Hell, she's practically begging me for it._ Momentarily ashamed for his lack of cooperation, he decided to take control of the reins, thrusting his tongue to meet her demands. Sensing his acquiescence, her kisses became less desperate, settling in a rhythm much more enjoyable for both of them. As with any first time kisses, they explored each other's mouths thoroughly, letting tongues slide against teeth, suckling on the other's lower lip, tongues dueling, savoring and getting acquainted.

Urgency soon took over as hands began exploring … caressing and familiarizing with the other's body. He slid his hand to the side of her right breast, while his left hand went to her lower back in order to bring her closer. Following his lead, she relaxed her tight grip on his head to allow her hands to slide down the muscled plane of his back, discovering grooves and indents along the way. Encouraged, Alex let his right thumb slide toward her hardening nipple, earning him a moan from Meredith. Impatient to taste her, he pulled away from her mouth to slide his tongue on her neck. Judging from the abrupt tightening of her hands on his back and the series of moans escaping her lips, his exploration of her neck was pleasurable to her. He followed the path to her collarbone with his lips and tongue, while his hand cupped her breast more boldly, rubbing his palm sensuously against her nipple.

Thinking that this was going way too slow for her taste, she slid her hand to the front of his jeans, rubbing her slender hand along his crotch in order for him to pick up the pace. That seemed to work because she felt him reaching for the hem of her blouse, yanking it up over her head. Giving that guy from "_Friends_" (Joey) a run for his money, Alex removed her bra with only a slight snap of his fingers against the clasp, letting the strapless bra fall to the floor. _This is more like it,_ she thought, as she felt his hand back on her breast, lifting it towards his mouth. No longer impeded by her top, she put her hand back on the front of his jeans, resuming her attempt to speed things up.

_She tastes so sweet, but I can also taste her excitement._ He swirled his tongue around the nipple, breathing on it, before taking it in his mouth completely. _Damn, McDreamy is an idiot. Why would he choose not to be with Meredith? She's so responsive and hot. She melts in my mouth. Meredith is …_ at that, he grew very still. _Meredith._

He slowly raised himself to his full height, stilled her questing hand with his right hand, while using his left to draw her closer. When the cessation of pleasure penetrated her high, she raised her questioning eyes towards Alex, confused and irritated. Having seen that look once more, Alex sighed and put his forehead on hers, as he struggled to control his body's screaming protest from the withdrawal of pleasure. Shame and frustration replaced the emotions in her eyes, and she tried to move away from him, but he held her tighter. With no means of escape, she closed her eyes instead.

"Mer, listen to me. No, look at me and listen. As much as I want to have sex with you, and trust me I do, I don't want to be just another name on your list of inappropriate men. We're friends, Mer, and we work together; hell, I even live in your house. If we do have sex, and I'm really hoping we do have sex eventually (big smile), I want you sober. No alcohol to blame, no regrets in the morning. Do you understand?"

A lone tear escaped her eye. With a soft sigh, she nodded her head and leaned into his chest, circling his waist with her arms, deriving comfort from his embrace. As hurt and embarrassed as she was, she had to admit to feeling gratitude for Alex' ability to prevent a potential mistake. After a few silent minutes in each other's arms, she looked up at him with a grateful smile.

"Well, okay, so no sex, but would you have any objection to sleeping beside me tonight, if I promise not to jump you?"

Releasing some of his earlier tension, he exploded in laughter as she took her position on the bed (after donning her nightshirt), smiling widely as she waited for his answer. He slid beside her after taking off his jeans, settling comfortably on the right side of the bed. With a smile on his face, he watched her shift to her left side, before he pulled her in towards him, with her back resting against his chest. His smile spread wider when he felt her grasp the hand he placed under her pillow, adding more contact between them. He kissed her hair as he completed the embrace by placing his right hand on her stomach under her shirt.

"Good night Alex."

"Night, Mer," he whispered into her hair.

"Alex!" she squealed and giggled, as she felt his hand close over her breast.

"What? I may have done a noble deed tonight, but I am still Evil Spawn after all."

yes? no? should i continue? or forget it? i actually already know where this story is going, but i'm kinda nervous about this shipper. so, please let me know if i should continue it. thanks heaps!

actually intended some scenes here for a DEMPEO fanfic, but i couldn't bring myself to start it, knowing that he's married and she's engaged. sigh! oh well.


	4. Chapter 4 Watching, waiting

_Okay, this … I didn't sign up for this. Crap!_ Alex stared miserably at the woman lying in his arms, alternately feeling the urge to smother her with a pillow and suckling on the earlobe positioned so dangerously close to his mouth. _Damn, Izzie and George should have warned me about Mer's snoring! Guess those sex noises weren't the only ones keeping them awake at night! _Preparing himself for his own sleepless night in Seattle, he snuggled closer to Meredith, and then started counting imaginary patients being wheeled on gurneys into the OR.

No sooner had he finally drifted off to a shallow sleep when he felt something slightly heavy resting on the left side of his body. He opened his eyes to the sight of Mer partially sprawled on top him, gazing at him with a smile on her lips. He returned the smile, but felt uncertain as to how to proceed. He scanned her eyes for any sign of what she may be feeling, only relaxing a little when he couldn't see shock or anger, or worse yet, regret registered in them. She made a small movement of pressing closer to him as a reaction to him tucking her wayward bangs behind her ear. Moments passed, but they weren't uncomfortable. They just lay there, looking at each other, watching and waiting.

The crinkling of her eyes and wider smile were the only clues he saw before he felt her lips softly graze his mouth. As with their first encounter, this kiss was tentative for only a few seconds before he felt her pressing harder against his lips. He lifted his hands to her hair, running his fingers through the silky strands, before securing her head firmly in order to flip her on her back. Careful so as not to put all his weight on her, he braced his left arm beside her head, and brushed his left leg along her right, before wedging his right knee in between her thighs. All this maneuvering and strategic limb-rubbing elicited an encouraging sigh from Mer.

The second time their lips met, uncertainty was no longer present. This was more of a teasing endeavor, a slow building-up of desire, meant to assure and entice. He fastened his left hand on her hair sprawled on the pillow, while concentrating on the pleasure his right hand was receiving as it began the upward slide on her skin. He relished the now familiar swell of her breasts in his hand, flicking his thumb on her hardening nipples. Impatient to once more taste their sweetness in his mouth, he sacrificed loss of contact with her body to draw her shirt over head, quickly bending his head to her chest once more. He made circular motions on her breast with his tongue, closing in on the tight nub, but never quite making contact. A frustrated whimper made Alex reconsider his tactic, and rewarded her by touching his tongue to her engorged nipple before taking it into his mouth. Not wanting to play favorites, he took the neglected nipple of her right breast in between his thumb and forefinger, causing her to lift her hips against his knee.

_Too much pleasure. But I need … I want … _she rubbed her most sensitive part against his knee, trying desperately to relieve the ache she felt in between her legs. The attention he was paying to her breastssent delicious sensations all over her body, making her thrust a little harder. Desperately attempting to anchor herself against the swirling currents of electricity currently playing havoc on her senses, she clung to his shoulders, both encouraging and berating. She gasped when he replaced his knee with his hand, slowly wandering over her thin panties before rewarding her with the slight pressure of his thumb against her warmth. Slowly, oh so slowly, too damn slowly, he lightly brushed his fingers over her, barely causing friction, but grazing just enough to make their presence felt.

His ministrations getting slower still, he turned to her with questioning eyes. "Mer?"

Her own confused eyes suddenly became clear as she answered his query. "Sober, Alex."

That was all he needed to know before he slipped a trembling yet soothing finger into her panties, delicately seeking the warmth hidden within. He heard her moan as he explored between her sleek folds, using her slippery moisture to his advantage as he drew figure eights on her wet warm surface. Driving her closer towards the edge, he pressed the tip of his finger to the warm opening, pausing there, as if making his presence known to her.

_Too much pleasure … too much. No, not enough … I need more … _Confused between a clamor for release or desire to prolong the delicious assault on her senses, she thrust her hips forward, taking the decision from out of his hands. She heard his teasing _'tsk, tsk, so impatient, Mer' _but opted not to engage in light banter as she felt his finger slide in and out of her, releasing an even lower moan as she felt another finger inside.

He really tried, he swears on someone else's mother's grave, really, really tried to take things slow. He wanted to prolong her pleasure, to explore and discover more pleasure zones, to taste and touch more of her. But when he made the mistake of looking at her face, her eyes ablaze with passion and another emotion he couldn't quite read, her lips slightly apart, he shifted slightly to pull down his boxers and stripped her of her panties then took position between her legs. He hovered above her, grinding his erection against her wet heat, watching and waiting.

She place one hand on his chest and the other curled into his hair. Then, a smile spread across her face, letting it reach her eyes. "Alex," she whispered softly, dreamily. And that was all she could say really, because she felt him slide into her, thrusting slowly at first before he picked up the pace.

_Warmth. So much warmth. I'm drowning in warmth._ _I need to make this slow, but I can't … I just need …_ He hitched his arms under her legs to spread her wider, entering her from another angle but never slowing down. _Not yet … not yet, please … Just a little longer_. But he didn't have to worry as he felt her clamp around him, riding her orgasm with breathless moans. He thrust a few more times before he joined her in the spiraling ascent to blissful floating.

Coming down from her high a few moments before him, she lay still beneath him as his shudders quieted down. Watching … waiting.

Slightly recovered from his free-fall and with his mind no longer clouded by the driving demand for satisfaction, he looked at her with uncertainty, dreading what he'd see.

"Alex," she uttered, contentment and serenity ringing in that one word.

He felt himself relax against her, savoring the affection and intimacy. He placed a gentle kiss on her mouth, and then inquired teasingly, "Sober?"

"Buzzed!" she giggled, running her hand along his face.

He moved to separate himself from her, but she wrapped her legs around his waist, trapping him inside her. "Not yet. Don't move. I like feeling you in me, just for a few more minutes."

He settled more comfortably against her but positioned his arms astride her head to lessen his weight on her. He smiled when he noticed her eyelids begin to flutter down, her breathing becoming more even, signifying that she had already fallen asleep. A last brush of his lips on hers, he carefully pulled on her already lax legs from around his waist, reluctant to leave her warmth. He quickly shifted to his side of the bed, pulled a blanket over them, and drew her towards his body, making optimum contact with every part of her backside. Then, thankfully, he fell asleep.

**Nervous about this chapter. Anyway, hope it turned out okay. Will update again tomorrow --- am thinking humor, flirting, etc. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5 Morning After

**A/N: Well, okay, it's 3:30am, and I couldn't get back to sleep because of this fic … all these scenes playing in my head. Hope I have enough working brain cells to make a good chapter.**

**Since you're reading this note, I take it that you have surpassed the sex scene between Alex and Mer. I haven't received any violent reactions, so I'll take that as a good sign, unless of course you're seething and cursing me silently, in which case I'm glad you don't know where I live.**

Meredith woke up to a familiar sensation. She felt her back pressed against a solid frame … an arm loosely but heavily draped around her stomach … a head resting atop her own … a hypnotic rhythm of even breathing assuring her she was not alone. Most importantly, the feeling of incredible warmth and safety … the unmistakable sensation of feeling cherished and treasured. A flash of joy lit up her soul, and then she realized that the man holding her wasn't the one …

She quickly backed up from that line of thinking. Instead, she carefully turned to face the man who offered her a respite from the angry storm of hurt and disappointment, studying his relaxed demeanor as he slept. She waited anxiously for the tiny voices to start screaming and reprimanding her for her tryst with Alex, knowing that regret and shame would soon make their appearance as they always do when morning comes. They didn't come.

He opened his eyes to gentle warm blue eyes watching him, a flirtatious grin competing with the brightness filtering in through the partially curtained window. Encouraged, he bent his head to press his lips softly against hers. "Last night was …"

"Amazing, Alex! It was amazing," she said somewhat breathlessly.

"Regrets?"

"No," she assured him, smiling wider as she shook her head.

They lay facing one another, savoring the calm, taking pleasure in the intimacy, both lost in their own musings. Her instinctual '_listen, I have to go, and when I get back here_' line played on her lips unconsciously. Thankfully, she had enough presence of mind to bite down on her lips before they escaped. _This is Alex … 'Evil Spawn' Alex. I should be screaming at him to leave. I should be threatening him with castration. _Curiously, she tried to analyze why she didn't feel the urge to make him leave, why she wasn't filled with recrimination and self-loathing, but gave it up when she saw him struggling with his own inner battle. She just knew that this didn't seem like a mistake.

"Mer …, "he whispered tentatively.

"Evil Spawn," she acknowledged with humor.

He smiled at that, losing some of the earlier tension he felt, amused and momentarily pacified by her light banter. "So, where do we go from here?"

She really didn't know how to answer that, still confused by the conflicting thoughts crowding her brain, only picking up a few selected words from the screaming voices debating so loudly in her mind. _Asshole … crude … comfort … work together … posted pictures of Izzie in her underwear … pleasure … laughter and camaraderie … inappropriate remarks … friendship_. There it was, really, that one word that made all the other voices cease. Friendship. _Friendship_.

"I seriously don't know how last night happened. I should be freaking out just about now, but … I'm not, and I really want to know why I'm not freaking out," she said in a rush, but took control of her rambling to explain more calmly, "I think that's what worries me more … the _**not**_ freaking out. " That earned her a smile from Alex. She sighed before continuing.

"I don't know where to go from here. What I do know is that I'm not ready for a relationship, and I suspect neither are you. We're friends, Alex, good friends. Our friendship is the kind that provides sanity and clarity … the kind that pulls you back from dangerous thoughts … keeps you anchored when all you want to do is give in to drowning. I don't want to risk losing that."

He remained silent, registering her animated monologue, understanding warring with disappointment as he listened to her struggle to make a convincing decision. He acknowledged to himself that she was right --- their friendship was something too important to sacrifice --- but he couldn't seem to shake the displeasure in the wisdom behind her explanation.

"Friends, huh? I can do that," he said, deciding to relieve her anxiety and worry.

"Yes, friends. That's what's important to me."

"Okay, then. We've opted to stay as friends. Friendship's good … wise decision … the only sane decision in fact. Friends." He let out a breath, then a sparkle shone in his eyes, and continued flirtatiously, "So, we're friends. That's too bad, really, because last night was amazing, incredible even. But since we're friends, I guess sex is out of the deal, huh?"

"What, no, doesn't have to be … wait, no, you're right, no sex, "she trailed off indecisively, adding a little more forcefully after a few seconds, "Yeah, that's right, we can't have sex anymore. No sex … friendship good, sex bad." She continued to mutter that line under her breath like a mantra she needed in order to get her brain to agree.

He laughed at that, and planted an affectionate kiss on her forehead. He was about to disentangle himself from their embrace to head to the bathroom, when a sudden realization came to him.

"I didn't protect you last night, Mer."

"Oh, oh that. I don't think we have to worry because I just finished my period two days ago. Oh my God. You better not have given me syph, Alex!"

"I haven't been with anyone in a while, except for you-know, but it's safe to say you have nothing to worry about."

"Okay then."

"Okay. So, really, no sex? Are you sure? I mean, we can have sex and still be friends."

"Alex!"

He laughed heartily on his way to the shower. _This is going to be fun!_

**A/N: So … good? Bad? Did it create an opening for a little flirting fun for future chapters? **


	6. Chapter 6 Don't know how to answer that

He grabbed a bowl of salad from the counter, adding it to the turkey sandwich, can of soda, bag of chips, bowl of chocolate pudding, packet of salted nuts and the colorful package of gummy bears. As he slowly inched his way to the cash register, he stopped in front of the assortment of pasta offerings, hovering a hand over several plastic containers. _Yeah, pasta, good idea. I need the carbs today for my long shift. _Distractedly, he picked up the one with spirals drowning in oil, with bits of some green minced something herb and cheese, carelessly adding it to the overflowing tray he clasped in his arm. _Yeah, pasta. I can't wait to eat this. I'm not dawdling … I'm not prolonging this in the hopes that she'll be done with her lunch before I join them. Really, I'm not. I'm starving. Seriously!_ Convinced that he successfully convinced himself, he made his way, slowly, to the table, his steps faltering when Meredith's infectious giggle and their boisterous laughter could be heard from 10 meters away.

He wasn't really nervous or anything, despite the fact that he almost dropped his tray. They talked about it; she said she didn't regret it. Hell, she even engaged in excited banter on their ride to work this morning, leaning in to plant a kiss on his cheek, uttering a teasing '_bye,_ _**friend**_' before exiting the car. _I'm fine … totally fine. It's cool. Hell, I'm Alex Karev. I've done this countless times. Crap!_

"Where have you been hiding, Evil Spawn? Seems like you've been avoiding us." This from Cristina.

George, still recovering from his previous night's shift, just grunted his greeting.

"Hey, we didn't see you this morning. Heard about the night you spent with Mer, though," Izzie said through a mouthful of ice cream.

Flustered, he dropped the tray clumsily on the table, instantly paranoid about that last statement. Swallowing back a groan of exasperation, he took the seat beside Meredith as this was the only one vacant. He leaned forward in an awkward attempt to avoid brushing shoulders with her, busying himself with his food before he mumbled, "Wha … what? What do you mean?" He grabbed the fork and attacked his pasta, almost gagging on the really strong taste of basil, but continued chewing anyway to avoid conversation.

"Mer said you met up at Joe's and shared a cab home. I totally forgot you live there now, too, because I was really worried about her being alone last night," explained Izzie, packing away her trash before getting up to leave.

"Hey Bambi, get up. Burke's waiting for us to prep his patient for surgery," Cristina screamed in his ear, causing him to jump up. "Catch you at Joe's at 7:00, Mer."

George frantically cleaned up his trash before scrambling after Izzie and Cristina.

Alex dropped his jaw in shock, or actually more like relief, when he realized that they had left without any mention of '_disgusting, dirty, nasty sex with Evil Spawn'_ he was sure was coming.

"Hey."

"Hey," he answered breathlessly.

Another wave of surprise washed over him at the thought that she didn't reveal the actual events that transpired between them. Adding to that was a surge of irrational anger at the idea that she seemed to have decided to withhold that piece of information from them.

"I didn't tell them."

"Good. Great! Glad you didn't," unable to suppress the sarcasm. _She's ashamed and she totally regrets it._

"It's not because I regret what happened or that I'm concerned about what they'd say about it. I was more worried that telling them would make us uncomfortable with each other, that we'd start avoiding each other. I don't want that to happen, Alex."

He was rather taken aback by her uncanny ability to read him, mollified by her response. He leaned against the backrest, turning to face her as he offered her his first smile in greeting. Taking in her warm smile and crinkling eyes, he let go of the paranoia hounding him since he entered the hospital that morning.

She saw him literally relax after that, observing his 'less-defensive" body language. Before losing her nerve, she decided to test the strength of the agreement they made in bed this morning.

"Addison?" she tentatively asked, steeling herself against rejection.

"She was scheduled to take the 9:00am flight, and I haven't heard anything to think that she didn't take it. It's not like she called to say goodbye," was his subdued reply.

"Is that okay --- that she didn't say goodbye, I mean. And that she left?"

He honestly didn't know the answer to that. While busying himself at the clinic that morning, he kept pushing the thought of her boarding the plane out his head, refusing to look at the clock even if he was constantly aware of the time. He also refused to admit that he left his cell phone on purpose in his locker that morning, not wanting the choice to answer or ignore a call he was certain was not going to come anyway. And he decided that he was somewhat successful in not dwelling too much on Addison.

"Okay, you don't need to answer that if you don't want. I was just wondering."

"Thanks," relief evident in his reply.

"Answer me this instead. Why haven't I seen you all morning? Are you avoiding me?"

That was an even harder question to answer. He contemplated what he should say as he spied her snatching the bag of gummy bears from his tray. Confusion attacked him once more as he watched her, transfixed at the way she systematically popped the colorful candies into her mouth, his throat going dry at the sight of her tongue licking her lips. Snapping out of his trance, he considered if it was wise to tell her the truth, which would actually answer both her questions. Because, while he was in a certain amount of pain over Addison, he was also bombarded with memories of his hands gingerly tracing soft skin, sighs of impatience, whispers of pleasure, the intoxicating sweetness against his tongue. And every time he looked up at the woman in those images, he saw blue eyes and blond hair.

**_A/N: this was getting too long, so the next chapter will pick up from where this ended --- same conversation. how's it going so far? thanks for reading._**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: okay, I changed the rating from M to T because, well, I don't know how to write a good "nasty-nasty" scene --- I can imagine it, quite vividly in fact, but I just can't write it. LOL.**_

Licking the last traces of gummy bear sweetness from her fingers, she looked at Alex expectantly, studying the shifting emotions on his face. She could clearly see that he seemed bothered and agitated, and she smarted at the creeping suspicion she felt that he was slowly distancing himself from her, both physically and emotionally. Before he could lean further away from her, she placed her hand on his arm.

"Alex? Don't do that please."

"What? What don't you want me to do?" Alex replied, jumping a little at the contact.

"That … moving away from me … not looking at me … not saying anything. What is it? You haven't answered any of my questions, and now you're acting as if I have some infectious disease. What the hell is bothering you?"

"Nothing, really, Mer, it's nothing. I'm sorry. Listen, I have to go. Bailey …" was his flustered response, already jumping up to leave.

"Alex! See this … this was what I was worried about … how you're acting. Okay, fine, we had sex, " her voice becoming lower as she realized where they were, "something that maybe shouldn't have happened between us, but I thought you said you'd be fine with it. This morning you agreed that we could do the friendship thingy whatever, but now you're acting this way," exasperation causing her voice to rise once more.

"I told you, nothing's wrong. We're cool … it's all good, Mer. Really. I do have to go."

"Fine, Alex, really mature. Go then. Come find me when you get your balls back!"

**_X --- LATER THAT DAY --- X_**

_You really are an asshole, Karev. You're pathetic!_ Slowing his pace, assessing the wisdom in approaching her, he studied the way she rested her chin on her arms, which in turn were perched on her raised knees. She was staring at the wall in front of her, seemingly relishing the isolation and darkness of their not-so-secret abandoned hallway. He didn't know if she would welcome his presence there, but he was determined to correct the mistake he made during lunch. Bracing himself for anything, he made his way to the gurney.

"Buzz off!" she said, acknowledging his presence, before resuming her catatonic wall-staring.

"Got my balls back, " he cajoled, as he positioned himself beside her on the gurney, mimicking her pose, taking pleasure in the contact between their shoulders and legs.

"You're an asshole, Alex, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, well, no argument from me on that."

She continued to stare at the wall, debating with herself on whether she should let him off easy or pay him back for being an ass during lunch. She was filtering through the list of possible insults (_ass … wuss … dirt bag_ … etc.) when she felt him lightly nudge her with the arm pressed against hers. She shifted her head in his direction, laying her left cheek on her arms.

"I really needed a friend today, Alex," she chastised, allowing him to see sadness in her eyes.

"I know. I'm really, really sorry, Mer, for today. I was a little overwhelmed myself, and I just couldn't … anyway, I'm sorry. Some friend I am, huh?"

Although still somewhat anxious about any physical contact with her, he greatly welcomed her nudge back, breathing in relief when he saw a smile break the stoic expression on her face.

"Shepherd?" he asked tentatively, worried that it was a subject she wasn't ready to discuss.

"Conveniently for me, he had to leave for New York to get some recommendations and referrals from his former bosses and colleagues, you know, as a last ditch effort to earn him more points with the board," she mumbled.

"Is that okay … that he left?" he threw her question back at her.

"I don't know. I'm angry that he left without us resolving anything, but I'm also glad that I won't have to see him for a while."

"You gonna try to make things work again?"

Her reply was a heavy sigh and a shrug, shifting her arms around her legs to embrace them to her chest, leaning her forehead on her knees, somewhat in a gesture of helplessness.

"I love him, Alex, and it really hurts to know that he thinks of me as a complication. I've been through this before, so I know how miserable my life is without him. It's pathetic really that I want to be with him even if we have all these problems, but I can't help it. I knew he was gonna hurt me again, I knew. He did, and I also know it's going to keep happening. So, what do I do?"

He didn't think it fair to tell her his opinion, so he left it unanswered. He was pretty sure she wouldn't want to hear '_he's an asshole, and he will definitely hurt you again, so you're better of without him_' so he didn't say it.

"These Shepherds … they're quite a pair, huh?" he said sardonically, which caused her to giggle.

"Yeah, a pair of jackasses," she agreed wholeheartedly, turning her head to him again.

Her carefree giggle caused his heart to lurch a little, just a little, but he allowed the spontaneous tingle to spread over his body, enjoying the sound of her laughter. He was still very confused about this friendship-thingy-agreement he had with her, but he understood that it was important that they follow through.

"We don't need them," she interrupted his thoughts.

"Damn right we don't."

"So what if he's McDreamy, with those soulful eyes and perfect hair."

"Yeah. And who needs a bitchy, amazingly stunning redhead with a hot body?" Alex said bitterly.

"We definitely don't," Meredith answered.

Then they both broke out in laughter.

"Hey," Alex said, "I'll be Derek for you, if you'll be Addison for me. No wait, don't glare at me like that. I didn't mean to make it sound crude and lewd. I just meant that we forget about our problems concerning those two by helping each other. You know, hang out, keep each other company, talk, laugh, get drunk. Deal?"

She considered this for a moment, suppressing her initial impulse to whack Alex for his proposition. She stared at him for a moment longer, wondering if it was a wise move on their part to deepen their friendship, especially since she was still rather perplexed about the feelings of security and calm she felt when she awoke in his arms. Deciding that it was dangerous to ponder on that thought, she answered instead.

"Deal."

"Great! Let's kiss on it."

"Alex!" her laugh indicating that she wasn't offended.

"Thought I'd take a shot," he said sheepishly. "So?"

"So?"

"Friends. Great friends. Hanging out, drinking, talking, no sex."

"That's right," she concurred.

"Okay," pausing for a few seconds, 'but I think we really should consider the 'no sex' rule."

"Alex!!!"

He jumped up from the gurney, laughing uncontrollably, as he watched her running after him, her high-pitched giggle ringing very close behind him.

_**A/N: Please review. This is my first fic, so I would greatly appreciate your thoughts on it. Thanks for reading!**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. Really appreciate them.**_

"You all look like crap," he snickered, as he lowered himself onto the chair beside Meredith at 'really old guy's room'.

"Go crawl in a hole or something," Cristina groaned.

"What's the matter, Yang? Nasty hangover?"

"This is all your fault, you know," Izzie grumbled, "You kept plying us with alcohol. You're a doctor for heaven's sake … haven't you heard of alcohol poisoning?"

"What, and deprive everyone of the hilarious show you and Yang were putting on," Alex taunted, pertaining to the '_I'm-a-better-flirt-than-you-so-learn-from-the-master' _competition they had going at Joe's last night. "Such a shame we didn't have a video cam on us. We could make a 'how to pick up a guy in a bar' instructional video, only you'll do the 'what to avoid' segments. "

"Shut up, Evil Spawn. I'll have you know I won 6 to Izzie's 4, and I have their telephone numbers to prove it," Cristina bragged.

"Only because you kept sliding your hands up their thighs, which isn't fair," Izzie protested.

"Hey, we didn't have any rules. Besides, you're just bitter because I so totally am a better flirt than you, even with your blond hair and big boobs!"

Leaving the girls to their argument, Alex leaned towards Meredith, who was clearly enjoying the bickering. The lavender scent of her conditioner assaulted his senses, triggering a barrage of images from the past two nights. The way she responded to his touch … lips and hands returning the favor … her carefree laughter ringing in his hears as they watched the flirting competition … the way her eyes shone with tears from too much laughing … her head on his shoulder as the party at Joe's winded down. He shook his head to clear himself of those images, still unprepared to confront the tangle of emotions she evoked since they slept together two nights ago.

"That was a mean trick you pulled on them, Alex. But it sure was fun watching them make fools of themselves."

"They're too easy. I knew Yang wouldn't back down from a challenge. Why didn't you participate, by the way? I was looking forward to seeing THE Meredith Grey in action. I saw how that dude in the blue shirt was checking you out. I was expecting you to hook up with him."

"Shut up," she admonished. "I would've given those two a run for their money, too, but I wasn't really interested."

"You, with your thing for attracting inappropriate men, weren't interested? (smirk, raised eyebrows) Oh, right, Shepherd."

"Wrong! It has nothing to do with Derek. He can stay in New York for all I care. Maybe he'll get run over by a tram or something. Or maybe the barber would have terrible hand tremors and shave off half his head," she grumbled.

Alex didn't know what made him smile at her rant --- the image of McDreamy lying half bald on the street under a tram or her obvious irritation towards Derek. Again, he avoided analyzing why the thought of Mer being angry with her boyfriend gave him pleasure.

"He hasn't called, huh?" he inquired, not sure if he actually wanted to hear her reply.

"He did, actually, this morning. Said that he was going to stay in New York for a few more days, something about appointments with former colleagues, whatever."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. Just listened to his spiel," she shrugged.

"What's gonna happen when he gets back?"

"To be honest, I haven't been thinking about it. At the moment, I'm kinda glad that he isn't here, makes it easier, you know? Besides, I've got you, right?" Meredith added flirtatiously.

That flustered him up a bit. With his gaze shifting to her grin, he pretended to ignore the shiver of anticipation before voicing his question.

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"You know, 'I'll be Addison for you, if you'll be Derek for me'" she reminded him.

"Yeah, right. Right. So, what's my first assignment as stand-in Derek?" he queried, hoping to distract her from noticing his nervousness.

"Well, I'm up for grocery duty this week. You can come with me this afternoon. Shift ends at 4:00. You?"

"Same, so I'll meet you at the lockers after I check on Ava."

"K," she said, getting up as her pager pealed. "Hey, you two, quit bickering. Bailey's waiting for us at the clinic."

_**X ---------- AT THE GROCERY ---------- X**_

"I am so NOT getting the tampons and vaginal wash," he exclaimed, gesturing to Meredith that they exchange grocery lists.

"What is it with you men and tampons?" she asked in exasperation, rolling her eyes at him as they made the trade.

"Isn't it bad enough that I spent practically half of my internship on the vagina squad? I do not need to know what products you put under your skirts!"

Her laugh was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone, effectively wiping the smile from her face as she fumbled through her purse to locate it.

"Crap! It's Susan," she inhaled, refusing to answer the call.

"So. Aren't you gonna get that? I thought you've bonded with your fake mother."

"Crap! We're supposed to go out tonight; they called last week to invite me out to dinner," she explained, trying to muffle the sound of the persistent ringing with her hands.

"I don't see the problem. Have dinner with them," he encouraged, pulling things from the shelves as they walked down the aisles.

"No, you don't understand. It's dinner … with my father … me, alone, with them … with nothing to talk about. Derek was supposed to act as buffer. Forget it, I'm gonna cancel."

"Why? Don't cancel. I'll go with you … think of it as my second assignment."

"We're talking about dinner, girly dress and fancy suit dinner, with Thatcher and Susan, at a formal restaurant, with wine glasses and cocktail forks, linen napkin on your lap, and possibly even a dance floor," she squeaked, her wide eyes and hand gestures indicating that she was indeed freaking out.

"Hey, contrary to what you think of me, I do own a decent suit; I know the difference between a salad fork and shrimp fork; I can engage in conversation without embarrassing my date; and I've never stepped on a date's toes on the dance floor," he said in defense.

Feigning indifference, while she pondered his pathetic attempt at indignation, he loaded more items into the shopping cart. _Fine, I don't really care if she doesn't want me to go with her. I don't want to spend the night with her anyway. Screw it!_ He repeated that to himself to make it sound more convincing, but he couldn't shake the disappointment that washed over him.

"Really, you're willing to come with me? What do you get out of it?" she asked suspiciously.

"Can't I do anything nice for someone?" At her skeptical look, he laughed, "Fine, we're talking about a free meal, free booze, and an opportunity to feel you up! And this can of whipped cream may come in handy for _cough_DESSERT_cough_, you know, when we get home," he teased, failing to evade the bag of chocolate chips she threw at him.

_**A/N: Please continue reading and reviewing. Thanks heaps.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews. Still acting all 'bright and shiny' --- now my husband's considering having me committed instead. BTW, writing this chapter led me to the conclusion that I am a terrible flirt, literally. As in I'll be terrible at flirting --- it took me a whole afternoon, and I'm not even sure it came out right. Oh well. **_

_Breathe. Relax. See, this isn't too bad. It's not as bad as I imagined. If only Thatcher would stop looking at me that way. Alex, ask another question about the baby, _she sent him a telepathic message, stunned when he did exactly that. After staring openmouthed at him for a few seconds, she picked up her fork, only to put it back on the plate when she realized that she had already consumed her chicken. _Crap! Not only did I devour an entire meal, now I no longer have an excuse not to converse as well._ In an attempt to still the restless movements of her hands, she started fidgeting with her napkin, twirling it around her fingers. _Okay, we're more than halfway through the meal. Maybe just half an hour more._ She started when she felt Alex' hand on her own, quickly sending him a grateful smile for his calming presence.

"Hey, you owe me a dance," he whispered, before excusing themselves from the table.

She flashed their hosts a tight smile, placing her hand in Alex' as he led them to the dance floor. Instantly, she felt him encircle her waist with his right arm to draw her closer, firmly grasping her right hand with his left. Allowing herself to take pleasure in the contact, she grasped the back of his neck with her free hand before resting her head on his chest. _This is nice. I could get used to this_, she thought, as she breathed in the musky, woodsy scent of his aftershave.

"You look really gorgeous tonight. No, scratch that --- you look hot!" he said into her hair.

"Hmmmm," was all she could say in response.

"And you smell so good," he whispered into her ear before pressing his lips to the sensitive area under her ear.

She giggled at that, letting go of the hand that held hers as she clasped both hands behind his neck. With both his hands now firmly pressed against her back, she tilted her head to look up at him. This time, she didn't want to ignore the tiny shivers running up her spine at the intimacy of their embrace.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Karev?" she inquired with humor.

"Why, I'm flirting with you, of course." Another giggle.

"Okay, but why?"

"Well, we are on a date, so I'm feeding you all these sappy lines so I can exercise my right to feel you up, and praying like hell you'll fall for it," he drawled, wagging his eyebrows at her.

She threw her head back in laughter, truly enjoying herself for the first time in quite a while. Her laughter turned into a tickled giggle as she felt his hand wandering from its position at the base of her back. Hesitating only for a second, she shrugged and pulled his head down to hers so that their foreheads were touching.

"Sure, why the hell not? Flirt away, Alex," eliciting a delightful chuckle from her date.

X ---------- AT HOME ---------- X

She leaned against the opened screen door while Alex fumbled with the locks of the front door. She was really exhausted, what with Alex insisting that they extend their date beyond that of dinner. They ended up at this bar close to the restaurant, drank, flirted shamelessly, kissed a little, talked, played a couple of rounds of pool, kissed some more. _Why the hell did I let Alex talk me into going to that bar? I'm definitely gonna be sorry tomorrow._ She groaned her regret, only to turn it into a sigh of relief as she remembered that she had the day off.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're planning something devious in that warped brain of yours. You're really starting to freak me out, Grey," he teased.

Sticking her tongue out at him, she pushed herself off the door and preceded him into the house, heading towards the kitchen. She pulled out a can of soda from the fridge then turned to face him as she leaned against the counter.

"Yup, I do have something evil planned. And it does involve you … something physical," she taunted.

"Whoa, Grey, you should know that I don't have sex on the first date. But I guess I could always make an exception with you," he drawled, taking the can from her before placing his hands on the counter, effectively trapping her between his arms.

"Funny … you're a funny, funny man," she said, completing the embrace by wrapping her arms around his neck. "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of you going shoe shopping with me tomorrow, since we have the same schedule."

"You're kidding, right? First you have me buying tampons, now you're asking me to go shoe shopping. You've got me mistaken for your little sister, Georgie."

Taking the dirty track, she ran her hand through his hair, leaning in to touch her lips to his neck, nibbling on the skin along his jaw. She knew victory was hers when she heard him suck in his breath.

"You don't play fair, Grey," he growled, as he pulled her in for a kiss.

Her victory giggle turned into a moan when she felt his tongue seeking access to her mouth, effectively driving all thoughts from her mind. She knew there was something she ought to remember … some reason why she shouldn't be kissing Alex … some sound argument why her body shouldn't be reacting to the lazy exploration of his hands … some logical reason … but she couldn't, for the life of her, remember. After a moment, she gave up logical thinking altogether, mimicking his caresses, returning the favor. Overwhelmed with the sensations he stirred within her, she slowly pried her mouth away from his, her escape from the deluge of pleasure short-lived as he shifted his attention to her neck.

"Alex, I don't think …" she gasped.

"That's right. Don't think, just feel," he whispered against her neck.

_**A/N: Again, please review and thanks for reading.**_


	10. Chapter 10

_Damn fine time for you to discover your soul_, he silently mocked, struggling to normalize his labored breathing and get the trembling under control. He had pulled away from her just a few seconds ago, his chin now resting on the top of her head, his hand firmly pressing her head to the crook of his neck. Earlier, driven by the need to feel her warmth against his arousal, he had positioned her at the edge of the counter, moving in between her legs. He could feel her heels digging into the back of his thighs, the pressure now a little more lax compared to the desperate grip they had a few moments ago. The arms encircling his torso, on the other hand, tightened as she fought her own body's reaction to their passionate embrace.

"Mer," he whispered her name, an apology and a plea.

She expressed her understanding and gratitude by drawing circles on his back with the palm of her hand, satisfying both her desire to assure him and need to maintain contact with his warmth. _He remembered … he remembered for us both._ No longer clouded by the heady state of desire, she finally heard the voice she chose to ignore earlier. She shifted her head, smiling into his eyes. Sacrificing upper body contact as she withdrew her arms from his upper back to reposition them on his shoulders, she tightened her legs around his waist to maintain the connection. Her bent arms serving as the only barrier between their bodies, she let out a tiny giggle. With a smirk on his face, he looked at her inquiringly.

"Our agreement isn't even 48 hours old," she explained, "and already we've almost broken the 'no sex' rule. You're really good at the art of seduction, Alex."

"Well, what can I say? It's just one of my hidden talents," he boasted with humor, outlining her lips with his thumb.

"Why'd you stop," she asked, a little bothered by the fact that he was the one who put an end to their passionate tryst, considering he made all the advances tonight.

"Because, as tempted as I am to make love to you, I don't want to risk losing this … losing you."

He chuckled at her bewildered expression, mouth agape with disbelief.

"Haha, Grey. Cute," he said sarcastically, increasing the distance between them without completely withdrawing from her. "Okay, consider this your warning. If you breathe a word about any of this to the others, especially Yang, you're gonna be picking out body parts from your locker everyday, do you hear me?"

At her nod, he continued, "This is new to me … this friendship thing ... this arrangement we have. Getting involved, getting attached … being considerate… being a good friend … it isn't easy for me."

"It isn't easy for me, too."

"I know; that's why it's scary. As far as everyone's concerned, I'm this big asshole who gets a kick out of annoying people. I find that I don't want you to see me that way."

"I don't see you that way, at least not anymore."

"Yeah, that's why I stopped."

Nodding in understanding, she closed the distance he created by enveloping him in her arms, prolonging the new intimacy as much as she can. They stayed in that embrace until their breathing returned to normal, their bodies no longer shaken with desire.

"Such a shame, though."

"What is," he asked, breaking the embrace.

"The 'no sex' thingy," she answered, sliding off the counter.

He laughed out loud as he took her hand, preventing her from turning away. "Let's go."

"Alex …," she admonished, allowing him to lead her to the staircase.

"Shut it, Grey. I always make it a point to walk my dates to their door before saying goodnight." He gestured for her to climb the stairs ahead of him. "This is quite a novelty for me, actually … walking a woman directly to her bedroom door without being invited inside."

Paying him back for having the sense to withdraw before anything happened, she swayed her hips seductively, reminding him of what he gave up. She shrieked when he playfully swatted her bottom in retaliation.

"You really don't play fair, Grey. Maybe we should redefine this 'no sex' rule … operationally define it, I mean," he suggested, distracted by the enticing sight in front of him.

At the door to her bedroom, she turned to him with a twinkle in her eyes, indicating another devious plan was being formed. Not giving her a chance to carry out her intent, he leaned towards her, placing a gentle kiss on her head, before turning away from her to walk toward his own room.

"Goodnight, Mer. Go to sleep."

"G'night, Alex," she returned with a sing-song voice.

Alex had settled into his bed ten minutes later, recalling with amusement his so-called date with Mer this evening. His musings were interrupted by the door opening and closing, and then the said woman made her way to the bed. Dressed in her nightshirt, she pulled back the covers, silently motioned for him to vacate her 'side of the bed', then got in. He remained quiet while she turned to lie on her side with his back to him, adjusting the pillows and blanket until she found a comfortable position.

"So, we're going to operationally define the rule, huh?"

"Go to sleep, Mer," he scolded, turning to his side away from her, joining in her laughter.

Just as a precaution, he grabbed a pillow and hugged it closer to his body … in case he got tempted to snuggle with the warm body pressed so dangerously close behind him.

_**A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews and for reading. I'm staying home from work today, so I may have another chapter up before the day ends.**_


	11. Chapter 11

"Do we really have to do this, Alex? There isn't anything I can do to change your mind?" she whined, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Nope, this is what I want to do. And after the stunt you pulled today, you owe me ... big time!" he adamantly said, refusing to be swayed by her irresistible pout.

They were seated on the couch, freshly showered and comfortable in house clothes, a large pepperoni pizza spread on the coffee table. Conceding defeat, she wrinkled her nose at him with disgust before turning away from him to face the TV, mimicking his position.

"Fine! Stars Wars then," she grumbled, settling comfortably against his side, leaning her head against the arm draped on the backrest.

"Correction. Star Wars Trilogy!"

"Star Wars **Trilogy**, then," she repeated mockingly. "I bet you don't even like Star Wars, huh?"

"Damn right I don't."

"So why the hell are we watching it?" she demanded in exasperation, grudgingly clicking the play button on the remote control.

"Revenge, Grey, revenge," he grinned, reaching for two slices of pizza, handing one to her, momentarily transfixed by the tongue she stuck out at him.

_**X ---------- 1 PIZZA & 5 BEERS LATER AND HALFWAY THROUGH 'The Empire Strikes Back' ---------- X**_

He had spent the past half hour threading his fingers through her hair, reliving the highlights of the day he spent with Meredith. She was currently snoring, making adorable gurgling noises, her head on his lap while the rest of her tiny form was sprawled comfortably on the couch. He had chuckled when he first heard those noises ten minutes into the second movie, shifting their positions to enable him a better view of her face while she napped. It seemed improper somehow, to watch her while she slept, but he took advantage of the opportunity to look at her without having to guard his thoughts.

He had woken that morning to disappointment at the discovery that he was alone on the bed. After a quick shower, he made his way to the kitchen, greeted by the aroma of Izzie's french toast and the smell of coffee. Smiling his greeting, he gratefully took the cup Meredith offered, taking the chair beside hers, and then devoured the plate of toast set before him. An hour later, they said goodbye to Izzie as she set off for the hospital for her shift, then planned the day ahead of them.

He didn't mind the shoe shopping, being dragged to six different stores. He didn't even mind the fact that she made him carry all the packages; he was a gentleman, after all. No, he didn't mind. The revenge-by-way-of-torture he sought was for the stunt she pulled after lunch --- when she dragged him into a lingerie shop. She said she wanted to get something for Cristina, '_you know, maybe as a shower gift or whatever_.' Ordinarily, he would have enjoyed the sight of negligees and dainty underwear, but he found himself in a 'delicate' situation whenever she pressed an item against her body, flirtatiously inquiring his opinion of said item. He was actually more than prepared to throttle her when she playfully modeled some lingerie for him, obviously delighting in his 'discomfort'.

After a torturous hour, they drove to Green Lake Park as a concession to his exercise regimen during his days off. They spent an hour running leisurely by the water, settling on a bench when Mer adamantly insisted she's had enough. They sat there companionably, exchanging stories about the horrors of their childhood. He didn't mind telling her about his past. The tricky part of the afternoon was when she asked him about Addison. It was rather difficult, at first, because he was still uncertain about the whole affair he had with the Attending. He talked about the weeks leading up to that night they spent together, and the conversation they had before she left for L.A. In turn, Meredith talked about her relationship with Derek, or rather the lack thereof.

He greatly appreciated that conversation. No insults cast, no advice given, no '_you're better of without him_', no '_you deserve better than her_' --- nothing. While one talked, the other listened. No judgment, no sharing of opinions. Hunger and exhaustion finally caught up with them, effectively putting an end to the melancholy of the afternoon. That's how they ended up on the couch.

He slowly moved to get up, gently easing her head off his lap so he could stand. He stretched to relieve his aching muscles before stooping to pick her up to carry her upstairs to bed.

_**A/N: I don't know anything about Star Wars --- had to Google it. Oh yeah, Green Lake Park --- googled that too. LOL. **_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: Hmmm, three chapters in eight hours. Wonder if I'll lose my job if I stayed home again tomorrow. LOL.**_

"Holy crap! What the hell … are you two … I knew I should have come home early last night … did you two … holy crap," Izzie shrieked, walking in on Meredith curled up in an almost fetal position against Alex' back.

"Unbunch your panties, Stevens. We didn't have sex," Alex grumbled, sitting up on the bed, shaking the cloud of sleep from his head.

"Fully clothed, Iz, see," Meredith assured, peeling off the covers to prove her statement.

"You didn't have sex last night?"

"No, Iz, we didn't have sex last night," Meredith patiently said, raising herself into a sitting position before leaning her back against the propped pillows.

"Then what the hell are you doing in his bed?" She jerked her thumb at Alex with disgust and bewilderment on her face.

"Didn't you know … he's our new Georgie," she said, giggling as she saw his eyes roll in disgust. She gestured for Alex to move to the middle of the bed, turning to Izzie invitingly, "C'mon, Iz, get in the bed, like we used to do. It's surprisingly comfortable."

"Uh, yeah, I'll take your word for it. You swear you didn't have sex last night?"

"Yes, Izzie, we swear we didn't have sex last night," Alex and Mer said together.

"O-o-o-o-kay, then, 'coz seriously, the two of you together, that's just too weird. By the way," Izzie added on her way out of the room, "the mess in the living room? I ain't cleaning that up. Better hurry, too, or you're gonna be late."

Groaning at the thought of having to do chores before getting ready for work, they rose from the bed, both of them deliberately opting to ignore the implications of Izzie's comment about them as a couple.

_**X ---------- AFTER LUNCH, AT THE NOT-SO-SECRET HALLWAY ---------- X**_

"Argh. I have got to get out of the pit. I'm sick of suturing," complained Alex as he lowered himself beside Meredith on the gurney.

She was lying on her back, her arm draped across her eyes. He turned to lie on his stomach, his head turned to her.

"What are you doing here," he asked, when she remained quiet for several minutes.

"Hiding. Thinking."

"Hiding from whom?"

"Izzie --- she's still freaking out about seeing us in bed together."

He grunted. "Okay, forget Izzie. What are you thinking about?"

Another few minutes passed before she turned her head to face him, indecision clouding her eyes.

"Derek called again this morning. He said he was coming back tomorrow, first flight in from New York."

He really didn't know how to react to her announcement. Hell, he didn't even have the right to be jealous or indignant. He also knew that Derek was going to come back eventually, but he spent the last few days ignoring that fact. _It's not as if Mer and I are a couple. Yeah, we had sex once, and we've been hanging out a lot, but it doesn't mean there's something there. She's in love with McDreamy, and I'm in-(pause)like with Addison. _

"Well, it was fun while it lasted, huh?"

"Just because he's coming back doesn't mean we stop being friends, Alex."

"Yeah. Are you gonna tell him about what happened between us?"

_**Well, how's it so far? **__**Thanks again for reading. Looking forward to your reviews.**_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Is it possible for me to rewrite the previous chapter, like make Derek come back on a different day? I thought not. Sigh. Okay, I've written about 4 different scenes for this chapter, and I couldn't make up my mind what to use. So, I've decided to do this instead --- I'm making this into one of those 'choose what happens next' stories. If you want Mer to end up with Alex (Mex/Meralex/Merlex), read only the ODD-numbered chapters. If you want Merder, read the EVEN-numbered chapters. LOL. Just kidding.**

**Seriously, though, there are just so many possibilities, so I really, really hope you like the path I took for the story. **

"Is there something to tell Derek about, Alex," she asked quietly.

"What? What do you mean," Alex inquired, buying some time to figure out his answer by pretending not to understand.

"Us. Is there something Derek should know about us? Is there **something** to tell about us," she expounded, studying the emotions that crossed his face.

He was unprepared for her question. When he asked her if she was going to tell Derek, the decision was hers to make. He certainly didn't expect her to throw the ball at his court. He needed time to think about his answer, to analyze what that '_something_' was, but she was demanding an answer now. He couldn't read her, he tried, but she seems to be guarding her emotions tightly, except for the uncertainty and, dare he hope, expectancy in her eyes. Not quite willing to leave himself open to rejection, he gave an indirect answer, pretending to misinterpret her question.

"So we had sex, and we hang out a lot, and we flirted … "

"And we went on a date," she interrupted.

"And we went on a date," he acknowledged. "It was harmless fun. We're friends, **good friends**, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Derek has no reason to freak out about us spending time together, 'coz as I said, we're friends, right?"

"Friends who had sex," she reminded.

"Yes, friends who had sex, on the night you had a fight with your boyfriend and my (pause) girlfriend-or-whatever said sleeping with me was a mistake. We were drunk …"

"We were sober when we had sex," she interrupted.

"Yeah, that's right," he acknowledged, suddenly at a loss for what to say next. He took a deep breath, then continued, "Listen, Mer, it happened. We had sex … and in the morning, we both agreed that our friendship was more important to us, and we both didn't want to risk losing that. We chose friendship, both of us did, and it was a wise choice."

He was rambling, he knew. He wanted to take back what he said, because he didn't mean it all. It wasn't _just sex_ for him, he was pretty sure, but he was still so confused about the whole thing that he didn't think it fair to let Meredith base her decision on his opinion, especially since he didn't know what he wanted or what he was offering. It was like the blind leading the blind. If only he could tell what she wanted to hear, what she was hoping him to say about their relationship.

"Listen, it's up to you. If you feel the need to tell McDreamy about us having sex, to clear your conscience, fine. If you choose to hide it from him, that's fine, too. That's your choice to make." With that, he raised himself from the gurney. "I have to go back to the pit. I'll catch you later, okay?"

He bent down to smile into her face, stifling the need to kiss her, afraid to make things more complicated. He brushed the hair out of her face instead before turning to leave.

She watched his back as he retreated, turning to stare at the ceiling when Alex was no longer in sight. It wasn't exactly what she was hoping to hear. She knew it was unfair of her to throw the question back at him, to make him responsible for defining this **thing** they had, but she needed answers from him. She wasn't expecting a declaration of love from Alex or a demand to end things with Derek. Hell, she wasn't even sure if she was prepared to hear that. She just didn't know what she wanted. _This should be an easy choice. In fact, it shouldn't even be a choice at all. I love Derek. We have problems, yes, but we can work on them. Alex said it himself --- we're friends. That's what he is to me and that's all I am to him._

Only, she wasn't quite sure anymore. Somewhere along the way, something changed. He claims that friendship is what he wants, yet she could sense his affection towards her. She sees it sometimes in the way he looks at her, only to mask it when their eyes meet. And when she sleeps beside him, he watches her and strokes her hair, and holds her really tight, as if driven by the fear that she'd disappear.

_No, those don't mean anything. We're friends, just friends_, she tells herself. _He's a friend._ Then why the hell does her spine tingle when he touches her? Why does she feel so cherished and warm when he holds her in bed?

_He said we were friends. He wants to keep it that way._ And he seemed pretty convincing, too. But how does that explain the look, then, the one that crossed his eyes, which she couldn't quite read but seemed akin to regret and uncertainty? He cares for her as a friend, he says. Only, she wasn't quite convinced that that's all he felt towards her.

And she was determined to make him admit that.

**A/N: Okay, it's a short chapter, I'm sorry, but I wanted to show you the course I was taking for the story. I started this with an end in mind; I just wasn't sure how to lead it there. Your feedback assured me that this was the track to take. Once again, thank you for all the reviews and suggestions --- I'm playing around with your ideas for the later chapters. **


	14. Chapter 14

'_Is there something Derek should know about us? Is there __**something**__ to tell about us?_'

_Damn right there is __**something**__ to tell Derek about_, he thought adamantly. _That should have been your answer, you idiot, instead of all that bull you said_, he scornfully berated. He can't very well take it back now; the damage has been done. He really is an idiot, but he really didn't know what to say to her this afternoon. How could he tell her to choose him instead of Derek when he still clearly didn't know how he felt about her? He does care a great deal about her, and he finds that he experiences all those sappy and mushy emotions whenever she's around, not that he'll ever admit to those girly feelings, but he can't honestly deny that they exist. He's just so damn uncertain about Meredith. Notwithstanding all the other issues, such as 1) Derek and 2) everybody's potential reaction to them as a couple (he didn't even want to think about that at the moment), there also remained the fact that Meredith believes that he has feelings for Addison. _Whoa, don't even go down that road._

_Fine mess you got yourself into, Karev_. So distracted was he by his tumultuous thoughts --- alternating between certainty that he did the right thing and regret that he didn't ask her to consider him --- that he didn't realize she was seated beside him until she nudged him with her leg.

She flashed him a mocking smile before relaying her order to Joe. She rested her elbow on the counter, perched her head on her hand, her face turned toward the silent man beside her. When she didn't get any reaction from him after 10 seconds, aside from him taking another swig of his beer, she turned her body slightly, touching his leg with her knee. Keeping the smile on her face, she waited.

"Hey," he said somewhat hesitantly, creating some distance between their bodies.

"Hey," she returned, enjoying the fact that he was clearly flustered by her presence. _This may be easier than I thought. _

Without relinquishing contact, she accepted the mug of beer Joe handed to her and took a sip. She hid a smile behind the mug, fully aware that Alex was stealing glances at her. Placing the beer on the counter, she resumed her previous position, giving him a quizzical look.

"I thought you were having dinner with Yang and Izzie," he finally spoke.

"Yeah, well, I cancelled 'coz I have a date."

"A date, huh? With whom," he asked, not really wanting to know but too proud to let her know it bothered him.

"With you, of course. We have an arrangement, remember? I have to mark my territory … drive away the other women," she explained, making a sweep of the bar with her hand.

He choked on his beer, reaching for a napkin to wipe his chin. _What game are you playing at, Mer?_ He took a few more seconds to compose himself before he addressed her.

"Yeah? I thought that arrangement was already off the table," he said casually, trying desperately to squelch the anticipation and excitement coursing through him.

"I don't recall any conversation to that effect." She took another sip. Raising an eyebrow, she continued, "So? You've already had two assignments. What's my first? Wait, before you answer that, consider that there are limits to what I'll do. Well, not that much, but limits nonetheless" wagging both eyebrows at him. _He's already cracking._

Totally thrown off by her humor and flippancy, he burst out laughing. It was impossible for him to remain indifferent and detached from her, and he wondered why even tried to distance himself. He wanted to be with her; why was he even trying to deny it?

"Well, now, that doesn't seem fair at all," he complained with a drawl. Counting on his fingers, he enumerated, "I had to do groceries, wear a suit and mind my manners, dance in public, go shoe shopping **and** carry all the packages, and let's not forget the hour I had to endure at the lingerie store. You owe me big time, Grey."

The impending arrival of Derek was soon forgotten as their animated debate and negotiation ensued throughout the evening.

**A/N: Okay, I dread having to write the next chapter. I'm in love with Derek, so I don't know how I'm going to "get rid" of him. Hmmmm, do you think catching an infectious disease (2-week quarantine) or maybe winning an all-expense-paid cruise for one would do the trick? LOL. **

**Thanks for reviewing and reading, and I really hope you like how this is turning out.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Again, I cannot thank you enough for all the reviews and suggestions. They definitely drive me to update more regularly.**

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you," Cristina screeched in exasperation, startling Meredith.

"Could you not do that, please," Meredith hissed, glaring at her best friend as she mopped up the coffee that spilled on her scrubs.

"Do what," she asked innocently, sitting beside Meredith.

"Scare the crap out of me, that's what!"

Cristina ignored the angry look sent her way, reaching out to take the sandwich sitting on Meredith's lap. Taking a bite out of the partially eaten sandwich, she scoffed at her friend.

"What are you doing in really-old-guy's room?"

"Hiding," Mer replied, still sulking.

"Hiding?"

"Derek."

"Wait, why are you hiding from McDreamy? Oh, yeah, that whole 'you're a distraction' thing."

Meredith remained sullen. As much as Cristina wanted to avoid getting into another one of their sappy and lame what-the-hell-am-I-gonna-do discussions (which were more like monologues) about the 'guy with really great hair', she couldn't ignore Meredith's pathetic pleading glances either. _Oh, why the hell did I even look for her?_ Making a big production of showing disinterest, she made big-eyes at her friend.

"Fine, I'll play," she said dispassionately, to which Meredith rolled her eyes. "So, you haven't seen McDreamy yet? He arrived over three hours ago. I thought you wanted to resolve your problem."

"I did see him, and we talked, but we didn't talk **talk. **We just said hello … said he missed me … I asked him about the trip… then I made my escape. He said we were gonna talk later … tonight."

"Ok, Mer, I don't get it. Why are you escaping from McDreamy? The other night, you were all furious and ready to shave his head off because he left without resolving your issues. Now, you're hiding from him. What the hell am I missing?"

_Okay, it's now or never. I might as well tell her and get it over with already. She's the worst of them, so if I survive this, I'll survive telling George and Izzie_. Taking a really deep breath, and then another, she faced Cristina.

"Okay, I'm gonna tell you something … but you have to be really nice and not be Cristina this time … and not freak out like Izzie … 'coz I need you to tell me what to do … 'coz I really …"

"Would you just tell me already, for heaven's sake," Cristina shrieked, causing 'really old guy' to shift position.

"I slept with someone," she whispered.

Cristina maintained her stoic expression.

"Did you hear me? I slept with someone, as in I had sex with another guy while Derek was in New York."

"Mer, I thought we've already established that that's your thing --- you sleep with inappropriate men when all is not well with McDreamy."

"That's the thing --- there wasn't anything inappropriate about it." That got Cristina's attention.

"Wha … it wasn't ina … wait, you had sex with someone and you feel it wasn't inappropriate? Why wasn't it inappropriate?"

"It just wasn't. It wasn't a one-night drunken thingy with me kicking him out of the bed the next morning. It wasn't dirty or cheap or … shut it," she admonished when Cristina smirked. "It just wasn't inappropriate, okay? I think I may like him, and I really don't know what to do. It's just …" she trailed off, unable to continue.

"Just who the hell did you sleep with? You better not say McSteamy, because …" she paused when she saw Meredith make a disgusted face. "Okay, not McSteamy. Couldn't be George, because well, after that time you cried, I seriously doubt he'd want to sleep with you again."

Meredith rolled her eyes at that.

"Okay, couldn't be Alex either 'coz that would just be so wrong on so many levels."

No reaction from Meredith, except for the slight drawing in of breath.

"Alex?!? You slept with Alex?" Cristina burst out laughing, seemingly unaware of her friend's pained look as she delighted in the news. "Ooooh, this definitely tops the list, Mer. I'm not all that surprised, though."

"Why not?"

"Well, 'coz you're you and he's Alex. You've got broken-penis guy and he's got skanky syph nurse," she explained smugly, still finding humor in the situation.

_Not exactly the reaction I expected. At least she didn't freak out. Trust Cristina to laugh at something like this. _ Big help this has done her. She got laughed at, mocked and insulted, and she still didn't know what to do. _She's supposed to be giving me answers; instead, she's laughing her ass off! _About ready to strangle her best friend, she realized that Cristina's laughter ceased abruptly, a horrified look on her face.

"Mer, why isn't Alex one of the '_inappropriate men_'," she asked hesitantly.

"I know what you're thinking, Cristina, but you're wrong. I realize that this is really weird, and I'd be freaking out too if I were you. I can't tell you how and why it happened. It did. I just know that there's something there, but he says we're just friends, which I think is crap, because I feel that there is something … my point is that I don't know what to do with Alex and …," she trailed off.

Because, suddenly, she did.

**A/N: Fine, fine, I admit it --- I'm a coward! I took the easy way out. I just couldn't write THE Derek-Meredith scene yet, but I promise I will. I'll just have to watch all the epis wherein he was being a jerk to get in the mood. LOL. So, how did you find my chicken's-way-out approach to Derek's arrival? At least give me credit for making Mer tell Cristina. LOL.**


	16. Chapter 16

"Hey. Were you with Ava the whole day," Meredith asked, as she entered the kitchen.

Alex was peering into the refrigerator, scrounging for something to eat, when Mer walked in. He hadn't had anything since breakfast, and he was starving.

"Yeah. She was having some contractions, so I had to monitor her all day. Crap! There's no food. How can there be no cooked food? Wanna go out for a quick bite," he asked, straightening from the fridge. It was only then that he turned to her, noticing that she was dressed to go out for the evening.

"Sorry, can't. I'm meeting Derek … need to talk."

"Hmmm, **the** talk, huh? Well, good luck with that," he smiled assuredly, or at least that's how he wanted to project it.

"Alex …"

She was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and closing, a familiar '_Mer_' announcing the identity of the visitor.

Alex quickly closed the gap between them, took her hand and gave it a squeeze. He looked into her eyes, expressing comfort and assurance.

"It's gonna be alright," he declared, unsure himself of what he was trying to tell her, giving her hand another squeeze before letting it go, just a few seconds before Derek entered the kitchen.

"Mer?"

"Hey."

"Hey. Karev," he acknowledged with a nod, before addressing Mer again. "Are you ready?

"Yeah," she replied, gathering her bag from the table. She turned back, saying, "G'night, Alex. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, have a good evening." He wasn't quite so hungry anymore.

**X ---------- MANY, MANY HOURS LATER ---------- X **

In the darkness and tranquility of dawn, she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, her evening with Derek playing in her mind. Its awkward start --- uncomfortable silences interrupted by feeble attempts at conversation in the car--- pretty much set the mood for the entire evening. Dinner was highlighted by his appraisal of the success of his New York trip, discussing the referrals he was able to obtain from his former colleagues. She wasn't really trying to be rude or indifferent, but she had to admit that her participation in that conversation was limited to grunting her responses, nodding her agreement, and the occasional questions and monosyllabic yeses or nos. It wasn't until they left the restaurant and boarded the car that he called attention to her impassive demeanor.

"_Mer? I know you're really upset with me …," his quiet 'introduction' interrupted._

"_You left, Derek. Again. We fought … you told me I was a distraction … a complication to you getting chief … and then you just left," she accused. "You told me to expect you to always show up … you promised." _

"_Mer," he breathed helplessly._

"_You didn't show. And now you're back here, expecting me to be okay with the whole thing. Well, it's not okay … not anymore."_

"_Mer," he tried again._

"_No, Derek," she spoke before she lost her conviction. She continued, more calmly this time, "I can't do this anymore. It seems that my life is defined by our relationship … 'bright and shiny' when it's good; 'dark and twisty' when we're fighting. I don't want to do that anymore."_

"_What does that mean," he asked dejectedly, sighing as he rubbed a hand over his face, turning to her with helplessness in his eyes. _

She asked for her space, just as he requested before, explaining that she needed time to sort herself out. She just needed to get her life in order, to figure out what she wanted, to redefine and rediscover herself.

He had agreed only after she assured him that she wasn't completely closing the door on them. The drive home was made in silence, each absorbed in thought. He reached for her hand when she moved to get out of the car. _I don't want to let you go, but I know that if I don't give you this, if I insist that we make this work, I'll be taking a bigger risk in losing you_, he had said, remorse and sadness reflected in his eyes. She nodded her agreement to his statement. And with that, their night together ended.

Her reminiscing was interrupted by the pealing of her alarm. Heaving a cleansing sigh, she reached toward the night table to shut the alarm, and then headed to the bathroom for a shower.

**A/N: Meredith lives her life under a banner of avoidance, and so will I. Seriously, though, I wasn't too pleased with the Cristina-Mer conversation --- it seemed to impede the flow of the story --- so I want to keep this focused on just Mer and Alex. **


	17. Chapter 17

"What do you want, Grey," Alex mumbled.

He could no longer ignore Meredith, who was leaning against the wall with a towel draped on her arms, her eyebrows raised expectantly. He succeeded in disregarding her presence since she walked into the bathroom two minutes ago, but she kept clearing her throat, shifting from one foot to another every 20 seconds. He was standing in front of the mirror at the sink, so it was impossible not to see her reflection.

"What? Can't you see I'm shaving?"

"Well, good morning to you, too," she finally spoke, closing the distance as she stood beside him.

"What are you doing in here?"

"I need to take a shower," she explained, leaning in closer to observe his ministrations. She felt him stifle a shudder as she touched a finger to his face, and then teased, "Hmmm, you missed a spot."

"Could you please leave," he ordered in exasperation.

"But I need to take a shower," she whined playfully.

"Yeah, well, I need to shave, so …"

"Fine."

"Fine," he repeated in a mocking sing-song voice as he turned to look at her, clearly smug that he had won.

His arrogant taunting was short-lived when he saw her turn towards the door, but not to leave as he thought she would. Instead, she closed the door and locked it. Holding his breath, he watched in astonishment --- well, fascination and interest more likely --- as she started divesting herself of her nightshirt and jogging pants, and then she stepped out of her underwear, dumping all three in the laundry bin. Giving him a wicked grin and naughty wink, she stepped into the shower, leaving the sliding door slightly ajar.

His muddled brain barely registered the sound of running water. He stood transfixed staring at the silhouette standing under the spray of water, running her hands through her hair. He continued to watch as she turned off the water, soaped herself, and lathered shampoo into her hair. He didn't even hear her scheming giggle. As she started rinsing, she cleared her throat in preparation to talk, effectively bringing Alex to attention. Finally closing his gaping mouth, he winced at the tightness of the drying shaving cream on his face, and then turned back to the mirror to remove the white foam.

"Hey, I feel like Mexican tonight. Want to grab something to eat after our shifts?"

"What the hell was that, Grey," he rasped, reapplying shaving cream on his face.

She was in the middle of applying conditioner to her hair when she peered out through the gap in the sliding door, her body shielded behind its hazy film.

"What the hell was what," she asked innocently, still massaging her scalp, enabling him to see the swell of her breast during that short second he was looking at her.

"Jesus, Meredith, why did you strip naked in front of me?"

"I don't see the problem, Alex," she said sweetly. "You've already seen all there is to see."

"That's beside the point. The point is …," unable to continue because he could now see half her body through the door's gap. _Look away, Alex. Look away!_ After a few seconds, he obeyed the tiny voice with reluctance.

"Why does it bother you to see me naked? You said we were friends, right? I mean, you said there wasn't anything there between us … that you didn't like me **like** me. So, me being naked shouldn't bother you."

He opened his mouth then closed it again. He tried really hard to come up with a response, but his mind was still uncooperative, busy with those images of her glistening skin and tantalizing curves. Clearing his throat, he decided to use a different approach.

"What if McDreamy walks in on you naked in the shower with me standing at the sink," barely remembering that she had locked the door.

"Well, unless his route from his trailer to the hospital includes a stopover at my house, that wouldn't be a problem," she said sweetly, moving to turn on the shower.

Knowing he won't be caught looking, he turned to watch the silhouette once more as she rinsed off the conditioner from her hair.

"Derek didn't spend the night here?"

"No, he didn't," was her indistinct reply.

"But I saw his car parked outside at 2:00 this morning."

"What were you doing looking out your window at 2:00 in the morning, Alex?"

"Would you just answer my question? Why didn't Derek spend the night? I thought you guys were supposed to talk last night. I even wore ear plugs to avoid a sleepless night in Seattle." He didn't add that he really didn't want to hear her having make up sex with Derek.

"Haha, very funny," she rolled her eyes at him as she stepped out of the shower, giving him another glimpse of her body as she toweled herself dry.

"Meredith!" He was unable to look away this time.

Heartily laughing, she carelessly wrapped herself with the towel, throwing him a cocky '_There,_ _satisfied? Hurry 'coz we're already late_' before walking out of the bathroom.

He let out a groan of pure sexual frustration, thinking of a dozen ways to get back at Meredith, turning back to the mirror.

Another groan came at the realization that only the left side of his face was shaven.

**A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters. **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Why do I keep backing myself into these corners? Got stumped again coz I have no idea how Alex can take revenge on Mer for the shower stunt. Any suggestions? The ones I came up with weren't all that exciting! I'm going to have to put that off till I read your ideas. Hint, hint. **

**In the meantime …**

"So not cool, Grey," he berated, humor tempering his statement.

He stepped into relative darkness and closed the door quietly behind him, so as not to wake their roommate down the hall, and then he waited. She was lying on her side in the middle of the bed, giggling heartily in response to his comment. He saw her move to the side in invitation, and he didn't waste time in accepting. He slipped under the covers and settled comfortably beside her, both of them lying flat on their backs, but their heads turned to each other. He smirked at her as her giggling faded into a smile that reached her eyes.

To avoid giving in to the desire to touch her, he positioned his arms behind his head, turning to look at the ceiling. Acutely aware of her every move, he knew that she had done the same.

"You realize that I'm gonna get you back for the stunt you pulled this morning, right?"

That got her giggling once more.

"Make that **two** stunts," pertaining to the white lacy panties that fell from his locker.

"Whatever do you mean," she asked between giggles.

"Really, really not cool Grey. Bambi was there when it went tumbling down on me."

The irritation he felt about her provocative-but-highly-embarrassing prank soon gave way to amusement at her bubbling laughter. He still hadn't figured out how he was going to get his revenge, but it didn't seem as important at the moment.

Their laughter soon quieted down, and they remained staring at the ceiling, both lost in thought.

He had spent the better part of an hour debating the wisdom of going into her room. He was still in the dark about her conversation with Shepherd the night before, but he was encouraged by the knowledge that he didn't spend the night with her. He wondered at the way she flirted relentlessly with him, undecided about the signals she was sending his way. He recalled her look of discomfort during lunch when Cristina asked Izzie, _'so, are these two giving you sleepless nights in Seattle?'_ It bothered him that Mer panicked at the thought of being discovered; well more like hurt, if he were to be honest. In the end, the craving to be with her trumped all the other reasons why he shouldn't be there.

She was restless the entire day, hounded by thoughts of Derek and Alex; the decision she'd made regarding the former, and the confusion she felt about the latter. Admittedly, it was the latter that dominated her thoughts, the reason why she spent the past hour willing Alex to come to her room since she heard him arrive earlier. She should actually be avoiding him, she mused. She's been shamelessly flirting with him, exhilarated that she can affect him but scared as hell that he'd reciprocate. She worried about the pained look he tried to mask during lunch, when her idiotic best friend made a sly reference to her and Alex in front of Izzie. She feared facing him in case he asked her questions she wasn't quite prepared to answer. Despite all that, she had this incredible urge to be with him, which may explain the relief and anticipation that poured into her when she saw the door open to admit him.

Seeking assurance that he hadn't misread her welcome earlier, he shifted to face her. She mimicked his action. _There it is._ That gleam of relief and anticipation in her eyes was what he was looking for, he realized.

They stayed in that position for a while, looking at each other, taking pleasure in the intimacy, bodies close but not quite touching, watching and waiting, savoring. The need to feel and connect soon took over, and they moved closer, watching and waiting, savoring.

"Mer," he broke the silence.

She noted his uncertainty in that one word. She let anxiety wash over her for but a brief moment then fondness and affection for him made her smile in encouragement.

"I need to know about you and Derek."


	19. Chapter 19

They lay facing each other, curled on their sides, bodies close but not touching, just watching and waiting, savoring the pleasure of intimacy. _It's not enough_, she thought. _I need more_, he thought. They moved at the same, the inexplicable yearning to touch impossible to ignore any longer. They reveled at the contact, body parts humming with pleasure wherever they touched, legs entwined, arms loosely yet protectively around the other's waist.

He leaned closer, putting his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. He breathed in the scent of her, desperate to bank the near-crippling fear rising within. As the faint scent of lavender filled his senses, calmness and an incredible surge of warmth chased away the doubts threatening to choke him. _This is how it is. This is how I feel when I'm holding her_. He didn't want to leave that warmth, but the need to know, the urgency to discover a more lasting sense of contentment, made him pull away from her.

"Mer," he broke the silence.

She heard his uncertainty, anxiety washing over her for a brief moment. She wasn't quite ready to answer any questions but affection for him gave her the courage to confront him, motioning for him to continue.

"I need to know about you and Derek."

She struggled to suppress the impulse to run, to avoid dealing with her conflicting emotions and thoughts. She lifted her hand to his face, tracing her fingers along the warm skin, deriving both pleasure and assurance. More composed, she clasped her hands between her cheek and pillow, equipped to give him the answers he sought.

"I love him," she began softly, noting the flash of pain that crossed his eyes. Stifling the instinct to touch him in comfort, she continued, "I've loved him for a long time, Alex. As much as I want to stop loving him, I can't … it's not that easy. I tried, when he chose Addison, I tried, but I couldn't … even when I hated him, I loved him."

He tried moving away from her then, needing to withdraw from the pain of rejection, but she wouldn't let him. He felt her legs tighten around him, and she place her left hand at the back of his neck. He closed his eyes to hide the disappointment from her, unwilling to let her see his sadness. He wanted to escape, to detach himself, to create distance, but he was drawn back to her when she softly and calmly spoke.

"What I realized, though, is that he isn't everything … not anymore. I don't need him to make me feel happy; I don't need him to hold me to make me feel safe; I don't need him to stop my world from crumbling … to save me from drowning. I don't need him to do those things for me anymore, but he still is an important part of my life."

She leaned closer to him, shifting her hand to rest her palm on his cheek, brushing her thumb along his eye to make him open them.

"You have to give me some time, Alex … I need a little time to put myself back together. As I am now, there isn't a lot I can offer you, but I'm trying … I want to move past the scary and damaged, I really do, but I need time. I know it's unfair to ask you to wait, I may not even be worth it, but I'm hoping you would."

"Is there somethingthere to wait for, Mer," he asked quietly, finally giving in to the urge to touch her lips with his thumb.

"I don't know, Alex. If you're asking me if I've fallen in love with you, I don't know. If you're asking me if I'm offering you something, I don't know … if it'll be worth the wait, I don't know. I don't know, Alex," she whispered, letting out a sigh, never looking away from him.

It wasn't the assurance he was hoping to hear from her; it wasn't the promise he was hoping she'd be willing to make. However, what she didn't express through words --- the declaration of reciprocity or the confirmation that she wanted what he wanted --- he saw in her warm eyes.

"What do you know, then?"

"That I want to be with you … that I want the opportunity to know."

_I'll take whatever you can give me. That's enough for me_, he thought, as he closed the gap.

He rolled her onto her back and allowed his body to reacquaint itself with the pleasure of her, or maybe it was letting her body rediscover his as she welcomed his weight on her. He stole a minute or two just looking at her, drowning in the glimmering promise in her eyes, anticipating the softness of her parted lips, glorying in the nearness of her. When his eyes had gotten their fill, he let loose the rein on his other senses, granting them their turn at fulfillment. Breathing in the scent of arousal, he let his lips taste and explore, and his fingers tingled as they roamed over the smooth skin of her neck.

He released his mouth's hold on her lower lip, letting his tongue continue the exploration as he deepened the kiss. He could have been happy to continue savoring the sweetness of her mouth, but the urgency to taste all of her was far greater to overcome. He kissed her harder for a few seconds, a promise to repeat his assault on her mouth, before he glided his lips to her ear, dipping lower to explore her neck and collarbone.

He fought to temper his impatience, but the desire to look at her was too great. He straddled her leg then pulled her shirt upward to reveal her flesh, letting his knuckles graze the silky surface. He leaned back on his heels as he dropped the shirt on the bed.

She watched him watching her. She didn't move, couldn't move, didn't want to move. Well, she did want to run her hands all over him, but she restrained the impulse. As much as she wanted to be a participant in this arousing game, she lay very still, taking pleasure in letting him take all he wanted. Warm fire spread through her body as his eyes traveled its length, leaving her skin burning with desire and humming in anticipation. Just when she felt her restraint on control start to weaken, almost giving into the yearning to touch him, he moved, bending to nibble on her neck as his hands glided over her breast. _I'm drowning_, she mused, as his tongue left a wet trail on her skin.

Sending her a silent thank you for letting him have monopoly over the exploring, he rewarded her by taking her breast into his mouth, gently suckling the engorged nipple, paying attention to her other breast with his fingers. Grasping the sheet to anchor herself against the torrent of electricity zinging through her body, she let out a guttural moan.

He shifted again, his weight now hovering over her legs. She clenched her muscles at the surge of overwhelming heat between her legs, as he dipped his tongue in her bellybutton. One hand was still wrapped around her breast; the other was inching its way down towards her heat. He paused when he encountered her underwear, seemingly annoyed at the blockade as he traced the elastic band with his finger. She whimpered her protest at his hand leaving her breast, mollified when she realized he was putting it to better use. He slipped his hands under the hem of her panties, letting the back of his fingers slide along her waist before pulling them down. Her first active contribution to this tryst, she lifted her hips to help him remove the offending garment, shuddering as he placed a moist kiss on her inner thigh. She followed his movements with her eyes, watching with impatience as he stood at the foot of the bed.

He perused her body while divesting himself of his boxers, exposing his throbbing desire, and then he quickly crawled back to her. He nudged her legs apart, kissing his way up to the junction. An explosion of sensation coursed through her body as he burrowed his head in the springy curls, fueling the fire. Their eyes locked for a moment while he raised her knees and placed his hands on her inner thighs to widen their stance. With a smile, he buried his head in her heat. He inhaled her arousal, tasted it on his tongue, taken it into his mouth. He used his teeth and tongue to tease the sensitized flesh, bringing her closer to the edge. Just as she thought she couldn't take any more pleasure, he parted her folds and his tongue slipped inside, another wave of delicious current rippling through her. Over the edge she soared as he slipped and curled two fingers inside of her, maintaining a steady rhythm as she floated.

He wanted to watch her come down from her high, but he wanted, no needed to sheathe himself in her warmth. Not breaking contact with her body, he crawled towards the side table to recover a foil packet from the drawers. He desperately wanted to feel her tightness and warmth wrap around his throbbing flesh, but he knew he had to protect her. Quickly donning the offensive rubber, he positioned himself between her quivering thighs. He dipped the tip of his erection in her opening, giving her time to slowly descend, knowing she was too sensitized at the moment.

Slightly recovered, she finally gave into the yearning to hold him, winding her arms around his neck, wrapping her weakened legs around his waist to draw him closer, the movement causing him to move an inch deeper into her.

"Alex," she breathed.

"Once more," he whispered.

Anchoring his mouth on hers, he slowly thrust into her, too slow, giving her time to adjust to his size, until he had filled her completely.

"Alex," she pleaded at the cessation of movement.

"Shhhh," he soothed, smiling at the confusion and frustration in her eyes.

She'd never known that such stillness could create an exquisite explosion of sensation.

The profound feeling of coming home, of being cherished, swept through him._ This is how it feels when I'm inside her_. He slowly pulled out of her, completely withdrawing from her warmth, loneliness and the overpowering sense of feeling incomplete washing over him. _This is how I feel, what I am, when we're apart_. Hating that feeling, he thrust into her again, needing her warmth. _Home_.

He started with an unhurried pace, savoring the intimacy, building up the fire. She allowed the torturous rhythm until she grew impatient, rolling her hips towards him in an attempt to get him to increase his speed. They moved faster this time, breathing hard, wanting to prolong it but impatient for release. With one final thrust, he brought them both to mind-numbing climax, together glorying in satiation and contentment.

He may not have heard the words he needed to hear, but her body told him everything his heart needed to know.

**A/N: Writing this is getting more difficult --- after watching 3x21 'Desire', I'm now a little bit in love with Mark Sloan as well. LOL.**

**A/N: I'm thinking of ending this story with this chapter … maybe start the sequel to this, and it would tackle all the other problems and questions left unanswered --- the unfinished business with Derek, Alex' **_**revenge**_** (LOL), dealing with the reactions of their friends, making her come to terms with her feelings for Alex. What do you think?**

**At any rate, please, please review. Like it? Hate it? Was it confusing, inconsistent? Wrong spelling, bad grammar? Anything. Please let me know. Would appreciate your comments. Thank you.**


	20. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Thank you for following this story. I appreciate your reviews, comments and suggestions, and I'm really hoping you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Please allow me to explain that whole 'I love him' speech of Meredith in the last chapter. I know some of you were displeased with me for doing that, but I wanted it to be realistic. Mer has been in love with Derek for a long time, and it would be impossible for her to stop loving him just like that. I hope you understand.

Anyway, I've decided to make a part two, instead of adding chapters to this story. I'll be shifting gears with the new story. This one centered on Alex and Mer, but Derek and Addison played important roles in their 'arrangement'. The part two, _**Renegotiating the Deal**_ would focus more on building and establishing the relationship between Alex and Meredith. Their challenges: dealing with the awkwardness of being in a relationship (mushy, cheesy aspect of it); coping with the reactions to them as a couple; the unfinished business with Derek; Alex' revenge (still need help with that); and making them come to terms with their feelings for each other. There will be less angst, too, as suggested by **murgy31**. Sound good?

As always, I'm hoping for your reviews and continued reading. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you!


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